I Smell Change. And its at Feedburner.

Its time for Change. Change is good.

NO, I didn’t stop blogging.

But I decided to

THINK BIG

and

I’ve decided to go self-hosted, even though the WordPress.com folks have been very nice and all. However, they don’t let me mess up my blog with plug ins. Even though I may look like this

Trying to install a plug-in

on occasion (or most of the time), I still think its going to be a good idea. Possibly a fabulous idea. Most likely legendary.

A nice artiste helped me due to my technical incompetence (see picture above). Her name is Kelly and you can find her at OnThe Moon.ca She made my blog so pretty. Wait till you see it.

It won’t be hard to find me. Its not

Over the rainbow

Or anything.

In fact, its the same URL. But, remember when you subscribed to my blog? Yeah, that will all disappear. WordPress may be nice, but they don’t share stuff like that.

So… if you want to keep reading my words of wisdom and stuff, you’ll have to click here and subscribe again. I’m sorry 😦 to make you subscribe again.

Well, really, I’m NOT that SORRY, mostly because of the reason. Which is the fancy schmancy new blog that I have. Can’t wait to see you over there.. I hope you like blue, green, and smart people. I do.

x0x0x0x0x

Oops wrong kind of Chicky

These Girls: An Interview with Sarah Pekkanen

You know what’s great? When a book lover, otherwise known as me, is able to interview book writers, otherwise known as authors.

I had the opportunity, thanks to Simon and Schuster, to read Sarah Pekkanen’s new book, These Girls, and to interview the her. Before thinking I’m really important and that I’m being flown all over the country to interview people, which would mean that my goal of being the next big thing had been realized, the interview was virtual, via email.

The Book:

These Girls is a book for women about women It explores the complex relationships between and about them: friends, colleagues, mothers and daughters, and also their internal dialogue with themselves. Its a story about three women: Cate, Renee, and Abby, whose tales and struggles are both intertwined struggles completely separate at the same time. The novel takes place in New York and Boston, and Cate and Renee work as Editors at a popular Glossy magazine. Abby is a student and nanny, and the sister of the main love interest, Trey.

Cate: Recently promoted to Features editor at the magazine. Gorgeous, she seems like she’s got it together. But, while she is smart and talented, she got a big elephant following her around. And she doesn’t want anyone to know about it.

Renee: Stuck in a mid-level job for years, she covets the Beauty editor job that’s opened up. However, there’s a glitch: Renee is more rubenesque than model thin, and in her mind, that’s the one thing preventing her success.

Abby: Loving children and working on a Master’s in Education, Abby takes a job as a nanny to a family in Boston. Her past becomes her present as old memories start to come to the surface and Abby’s desire for a stable family causes havoc in her life.

These Girls is a beach read. It’s not particularly intellectual, yet it prompts thought and introspection.

If you liked Girls in White Dresses by Jennifer Close, you’ll really like These Girls.

The Interview

1) Of all of the characters in the book, Cate seems to be struggling the least with her identity as a person, and more with keeping her secret. How purposeful was that to make her ‘secret’ the less about self-worth than the other two? What a great question (editor’s note: YAY. Sarah thinks I’m smart)– it wasn’t on purpose and I didn’t even realize it until you pointed it out! For Cate, I liked the idea that her secret was so surprising; she’s this smart, capable, driven woman who has achieved a lot of success in the world of glossy magazines. So the fact that her secret plays into the fact that she isn’t sure she really deserves the job was to me an interesting contrast. Perhaps because Cate has been identified as a rising star in the magazine world and gets a lot of outside reinforcement for that, she has fewer issues with her self-worth.

2) You’ve really explored the theme of female friendship in the book, yet you have the characters living in the cut throat world of fashion magazines. Why did you decide to put your characters in that life? Partly because I love learning – about people, occupations, other cultures – and this way I get to do research for every book. I was curious about what life was really like at a big New York City magazine. So I befriended a staff writer at one, and early one morning, she snuck me into the magazine’s office before anyone else came in. I got a great behind-the-scenes tour and a lot of good gossip!

3) Renee spirals so quickly downward. Have you witnessed that happen to someone before? Yes, but the circumstances were slightly different. I know someone with an eating disorder, and it is horrible to witness . You feel so helpless when someone you care about is in the grip of such ferocious self-destruction.

4) This question was removed because it contained spoilers, and Sarah didn’t want me to ruin the story for anyone. If you’d like the story ruined, just leave me a comment, and I’ll send you the question and answer.

5) Abby’s past started to affect her present when it came to the car and the toddler. How did the affair with her boss fit in? Was she seeking love, a family, or a father figure? I think Abby really wanted to be part of a family. She sought it out in the wrong place – but eventually found it with her girlfriends. For everyone who has a destructive or unhealthy family, it’s so important to establish a new family that’s full of supportive friends.

6) All of the characters had specific issues with their parents, and most particularly their mothers. What types of connections were you hoping to make? I think that women’s relationships with their mothers can be very complicated. There are so many threads running through them – love, annoyance, responsibility, affection – and there can be old hurts, too. As women get older, their relationships with their mothers often shift and they become the caretakers or the ones who give advice, and I really wanted to explore that theme. Of course, Abby has a terribly destructive mother, and unfortunately, those do exist in the real world, too.

7) The usual question: Are any of the characters autobiographical, or based on people that you know? I swear they’re not, although I can’t tell you how many times people have thought I’ve based a character on them! I always say that my thoughts and experiences and observations of other people do make it onto my written pages – but they’re filtered through a kaleidoscope first – so they don’t resemble reality.

Sarah loves to talk to her readers, and especially likes social media (blogging and twitter have a starring role in the novel)

You can find her on Twitter : @sarahpekkanen

and on Facebook: Sarah Pekkanen

Sarah’s website: http://www.sarahpekkanen.com/

More from Simon & Schuster about the book: http://books.simonandschuster.ca/These-Girls/Sarah-Pekkanen/9781451612547

Tradition…. Tradition. Passover at Our House

source: http://www.littleblogofjewishhumor.com

Every year we debate whether to serve meat or chicken as the main course at Passover. The meal, by tradition and definition is pretty massive already, with several ritualistic and traditional courses as part of the evening.

Passover is the re-telling of the Jew’s exit from Egypt after being enslaved by Pharaoh. We hold two Seders (the word means ‘order’, as the evening’s proceedings follow a certain order), and we read from the Hagaddah,which means ‘to tell’, since we tell the story of our ancestor’s delivery from slavery in the land of Egypt.

In a nutshell, Moses, acting on behalf of the Big Kahuna himself, is sent to convince his people to follow him right out of slavery, and hopefully to the Promised Land. Ever polite, Moses asks the Pharaoh several times to ‘Let my people go.’ Helping out in the background is G-d, who sends any manner of what should be convincing messages (the plagues) to Pharaoh to try to convince him to release the Jewish people from slavery. Pharaoh is a stubborn monarch, and holds his ground until the last plague-the smiting of the first born. After that, he tells Moses to take his people and get the heck out. And to do it fast, before he changes his mind.

Enter the Passover Seder, an in-the-home service and meal where we re-tell the story of the Exodus and eat ourselves silly. Stretchy pants are de-riguer.

We are not very religious. Or Seders take about 30 minutes (in other homes they can be up to two hours), and they are a bit chaotic, involving a lot of screaming, matzo throwing, and my older brother screaming out ‘Where’s Elijah’ in a Deep South accent. But, we love our version of Passover. To me and my siblings, tossed around in our childhoods by divorce, tradition means everything. That means that we serve the EXACT same meal, year-over-year. We use the same recipes, even though my mother tries to suggest, delicately, that we try something new. But, in this we children hold firm.

So, back to the beginning and the moot debate about meat or chicken. I say moot because even though we discuss it, the menu does not change. We serve both, and the meat’s always brisket, and the chicken is always Lemon Chicken.

I have to say, I’m like a Passover dictator. I make almost all the food myself (Matzo ball soup, meat, vegetables, sides, even the desserts). I carefully parcel out contributions to my family-I let someone bring the Gefilte fish, and my brother makes the chicken. My sister rocks the Charoset, and I’ll let just about anyone boil and peel the eggs to be served in salt water.

But, other than that, its all me. It’s truly a challenge to make amazing food when you follow the restrictions imposed by the Passover ban on anything leavened or that expands (you can’t even eat mustard). But, I do believe that I’m the master. Especially, when it comes to Brisket. Everyone says theirs is the best, but mine truly is. And, I don’t even have to brag about my frozen lemon meringue cake. The fact that it always gets finished, even after a 5000 calorie meal speaks for itself. Here’s a post with the recipes for both.

If you can wrangle an invite to a Seder, you should do it. According to tradition, we’re supposed to have someone there who has no better place to be, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find yourself a seat at a Passover table.

Oh, did I mention that we are REQUIRED to drink four glasses of wine during the Seder?

Happy Passover!

For more Passover posts:

Ima on and Off the Bimah

6 Comments

by chickymara on March 26, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Cookery, Family, Holidays

Tagged Family Traditions, Passover, Passover Seder

Posted by chickymara on March 26, 2012

https://beniceorleavedotcom.wordpress.com/2012/03/26/tradition-tradition-passover-at-our-house/

White Horse: Grownup Dystopian Fiction

White Horse by Alex Adams, dystopian fiction for adults

I never thought I liked books about the end of the world, otherwise known as dystopian fiction. Generally I shy away from Science Fiction, although Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale is one of my favourite books of all time.

Then, I read The Passage by Justin Cronin. And I loved it. Next came The Hunger Games Trilogy, which I devoured in four days. And, now I’ve read White Horse, the first in a trilogy by freshman author Alex Adams.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Thanks to Simon Schuster, I have the opportunity to read books I might never pick up. Mostly I like them. The odd time, I don’t. When I started White Horse, I wasn’t sure. It was a bit confusing, and it took me a while to get into the rhythm of the book.

White Horse is written across two period of time: Then and Now. Then is before the end of the world, and Now is after. The main character, Zoe is a smart young woman recovering from the death of her husband when she becomes deeply embroiled in the spread of a strange virus she believes originates from the pharmaceutical company she works at. Humankind is destroyed by this virus, which is called White Horse by the Christian right, and a world war erupts as a result of the ensuing panic. Zoe embarks on a journey of survival as she attempts to travel across the world to find the something or someone that she will save her.

The novel is about the human condition. It explores the ages old question of nature versus nurture, and just what it is that makes us human . Just like all books in the genre, it picks up on possibilities and eventualities. As my son says, dystopian fiction is interesting because it tells stories of what could actually happen if we keep on our current path.

What I liked:

The main character was a strong and determined woman. She overcame odds. She was complicated and frustrated and interesting.
Once I was engrossed, I was in for the long haul. I was sad when it ended.
The story was interesting and the storytelling unique. It didn’t have vampires, which was refreshing.
The writing was generally excellent (see what I didn’t like)

What I didn’t like:

The beginning was confusing. There were references to characters and occurrences that hadn’t been introduced yet, which while fitting to the structure of the book was frustrating.
It’s a trilogy and the second book won’t be released for a year

Recommend Factor:

7/10 Dystopian fiction is not for everyone.

Unputdownable Factor:

8/10 If you can get through the first 100 pages, you’re sucked in for the long haul

4 Comments

by chickymara on March 24, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Books

Tagged Alex Adams, Handmaid's Tale, Hunger Games Trilogy, Justin Cronin, Margaret Atwood, Science Fiction, Utopian and dystopian fiction, White Horse

Posted by chickymara on March 24, 2012

https://beniceorleavedotcom.wordpress.com/2012/03/24/white-horse-grownup-dystopian-fiction/

I’ve Been Dumped for a New Model

My husband has dumped me for a new girl. And I’m thrilled.

He can’t wait to see her, and rushes home early from work to climb on her back. He likes to polish her chrome and caress her till all hours of the night.

He’s been buying her gifts, and dresses up in fancy leather jackets just for her.

He even asked me to take a picture of them together. The nerve.

my husband sitting on his new true love, his motorcycle

My husband and his lover

You’re thinking Midlife Crisis. Well, that would make sense, except that this isn’t the first time he’s had one of those. He’s had a 1/3 life crisis, a five years after that crisis, and now this one.

We’ve been through guitar lessons, professional photography, kite boarding, running and cycling. Usually, if I humour him, his interests seem to burn themselves out pretty quickly, even though they quickly drain our (not) disposable income.

This is the second time the motorcycle, or as I like to call it, ‘my road to riches from insurance money’, has entered the equation. The first time I was able to ~~nag~~ talk him out of riding the hog This time, not so much. Maybe I’m losing my touch. Because while I didn’t actually give my blessing, I protested the bike in such a milquetoasty way that he chose to interpret my apathy as acquiescence.

Anyways, there really are more pros than cons to this motorcycling, when I look at it from my perspective (isn’t it always about me?).

And, since obviously, I’m going to have to ride this one out (get it?) I’m look over the rainbow reflecting off the Zayde’s Angels Patch he’s sporting on the back of his jacket, and straight into ‘how does this thing benefit me’ land.

The cons:

Its really dangerous.
He’ll be gone a lot on the weekends (oh, wait, that might be a pro)
Its expensive (oh wait, that might be a pro also)

The Pros:

He’ll be having a lot of ‘HE’ time. I won’t have to feel guilty when I want to go to yoga, or get manicures or go shopping for hours or merely hang at the BFF’s.
He’ll be having a lot of ‘HE’ time and will be feeling guilty about it (because I will make him), and will thus have to make it up to me.
He bought himself a motorcycle. That covers the next 40 years of birthdays, anniversaries, and Fathers Days.
He bought himself a motorcycle. He cannot object to anything I want to buy myself for the next 40 years or so.
Since he’ll be riding his motorcycle, the daughter will no longer nag me for my car, and I won’t be trapped at home.
Since he’s got himself a solitary totally narcissistic hobby called the motorcycle, he cannot harass me about mine, which is Twitter.
This motorcycle give me eternal AMMUNITION. ‘You bought a motorcycle..so…’

See, way more Pros than Cons. That’s how our marriage rolls. Give and take. And manipulation.

Sayonara Easy Rider, I’m off to the Spa.

20 Comments

by chickymara on March 22, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Family, Getting Older, Humour, Life

Tagged Easy Rider, manipulating your husband, Marriage, Midlife Crisis, Motorcycle, old men on motorcycles

Posted by chickymara on March 22, 2012

https://beniceorleavedotcom.wordpress.com/2012/03/22/ive-been-dumped-for-a-new-model/

When I Was Famous for a Second

This close...and Almost Famous

First, sorry for my absence. No excuses other than I’ve started a fabulous new job and a fabulous new website and have continued being a fabulous procrastinator. A while ago, I talked about my career goals, which included being the new Oprah, or rather, Jew-prah. Well, folks, I finally MADE IT ONTO THE electronic babysitter, the idiot box, the mesmerizer. Yes, I was on TV! And on the news, funnily enough, since I don’t watch the news.

The progression of events (which from #2 on, happened between Wednesday and Friday):

1. I had the opportunity to write a Guest Post for Chapters/Indigo about The Hunger Games. Obviously, I didn’t pass that up as there’s nothing I like better than books and bookstores.

2. CBC’s The National was doing a story about the Hunger Games Canadian Premiere, and they asked Indigo for someone to interview. They suggested ME.

3. Producer called, yadayada, and obviously, she’s interested. The one glitch? They want my son as well, and since he’ll be up in Collingwood visiting my mother at her new home (1.5 hrs away!), I’ll have to pick him up early. She’s not happy, and it’s a pain, but anything to grab my 5 minutes in the sun.

4. I don’t have anything to wear. I go shopping (obviously) to a favourite store, Fashion Wear Boutique, where the owner styles me via spycam (she lives in Montreal).

5. Thank goodness they want to film on Friday, because Luisa comes on Friday. And everyone knows that Operation Housewife was a huge failure. So if they came any other day than Friday, my house would have looked like a dirty flophouse on TV. But on Fridays, it gleams. Thank GOD for Luisa, that’s all I can say.

6. My mother is 20 minutes late at the drop off point, although while I’m waiting, I fill up the Flexie with discount Costco gas. I did put buffer time into the strict schedule, knowing she would be, so I arrive home, after tooling it down the highway 20 km over the speed limit, 30 minutes before the journalist, Ely Glasner, his producer, and the camera man are supposed to arrive. Except, they are already there. And, while I tamed my mane before the emergency retail event, my face has not been spackled. I’m no where near camera ready.

7. I layer on my hag-be-gone friends: Nanoblur, Korres Brightening moisturizer, Marcelle BB Cream, Dior Nudeskin Concealer, Smashbox Starburst, slap on some eyeliner, mascara, and blush, swipe some gloss over my pucker, and shazaam. I’m ready. I offer coffee to everyone, except there’s no milk. They forgive me.

8. The filming proceeds smoothly, except for the fact that I keep looking at the camera, and banging my bracelet on the chair we’ve put next to the counter where my son has to sit because he’s way shorter than the other kid who’s come over to be on TV. (I forgot to mention the Producer, Ilana, asked me if I could procure another mom & daughter, which I did, thanks to Twitter). My son, who is extremely verbose (can’t imagine where he gets it from), and a HUGE reader, completely clams up, forgetting his whole vocabulary except the word, ‘UMMMMM”.

9. Everyone leaves.

Monday Night. The reckoning. I’m so sure that they’ll edit me out from the piece. My reason for thinking this? NONE. Because I’m crazy. I’m sure they’ll cut my son, because nobody is really interested in ummm…. hearing about….ummmmm…hummmmm…..

But they don’t cut me (nor do they cut him. He’s sitting behind me staring into space, probably thinking pensively. He doesn’t talk, but nor do most deep thinking pensive people).

Oh yes, I’m in the piece. They just get my name wrong. GET MY NAME WRONG. They call me Maria. My moment in the sun, and I’M SOMEONE ELSE. I don’t even notice, but we get phone calls from people who actually watch the news and not because I called and told them to. I tweet the producer and the error is quickly corrected. In future clips their misnomer becomes my real nomer. I know this, because I’ve watched it a few-ish times.

So have I found my calling? Tell me what you think.. (click the link, the dang thing wouldn’t embed)

20 Comments

by chickymara on March 21, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Books, Guest Blogs, Life

Tagged being on TV, CBC's The National, chapters Indigo, guest blogging, spokesperson, star quality, television, the hunger games

Posted by chickymara on March 21, 2012

https://beniceorleavedotcom.wordpress.com/2012/03/21/when-i-was-famous-for-a-second/

A Woman of Substance and Grace

Gladiolus:strength of character

There is in every true woman’s heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.

WASHINGTON IRVING, The Sketch Book

Today is International Woman’s Day. Today I share a story about a woman that I truly admire. Whose quiet strength, warmth, and kind nature inspires me.

Last year, my daughter was sick. The kind that gets a mom worrying, and where you go to the hospital, where you’re laying awake at night thinking about it.

I tweeted out that I was really worried about my girl, about her abdominal pain, and that the doctors and hospitals didn’t know what was wrong with her.

Within minutes, I received a response from Heather Hamilton, also known as @TJZMommy. She said something to the effect of, ‘I’m very familiar with stomach problems. My son has spent some time at the hospital. Here’s my number. Call me.’

CALL ME. I don’t even think I’d met Heather once. We’d tweeted a few times, but were really mere acquaintances. She reached out to me, when I was scared and worried.

CALL ME. Her son, Zackie had more than been in the hospital a few times. He was born with a genetic abnormality and had spent MONTHS in hospitals.

CALL ME. Her own son was sick at the time and was to pass away about two weeks later. But, she still took the time to talk to ME, whose child was going to get better.

CALL ME. Heather spent an hour on the phone, calming me down and sharing her wisdom.

I will never forget that phone call, never forget that day.

When you meet Heather, she exudes a warmth and strength that belies the struggles she has encountered. She meets you, and every situation, with a quiet elegance. What strikes me the most is her ability to take a situation that might break someone else, like the loss of her beautiful child, and turn it into an opportunity to help someone else, to give, to share, to make someone else’s struggle less.

And so she begat Zack’s Dream Room, in support of York Central Hospital. The Hamilton’s dream was to raise $25,000 to cover the renovations of a paediatric room at the hospital. The room would be decorated with an Elmo theme, to remember Zack’s most favourite character. Immediately, fundraising began, and in a very short time, the initial goal of $25,000 was reached. Heather upped the ante and set her eyes on a second room renovation. Friends, colleagues, acquaintances all banded together and the next target was quickly reached. But, Heather didn’t stop there. She continues to remember, raise money, and spread the joy of her son’s too short life.

Heather is now experiencing the anniversary of her son’s last fight. She is sharing her experiences on her blog, writing her stories with both love and sadness, but also healing.

Heather is someone I admire. She is a woman of substance, of grace, of true beauty that comes from within.

The next Zach’s dream room event is on March 18th, where the Hamilton Family is screening ‘Being Elmo: A Puppeteer’s Journey‘ a documentary about the creation of the character Elmo. To purchase tickets, or make a donation to Zack’s Dream Room, click the picture.

13 Comments

by chickymara on March 8, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Family, Life

Tagged Elmo, grief, heather hamilton, international women's day, loss of a child, sack's dream room, woman i admire, York Central Hospital

Posted by chickymara on March 8, 2012

https://beniceorleavedotcom.wordpress.com/2012/03/08/a-woman-of-substance-and-grace/

I’m a One Woman Gal. Sort of Like a Gibbon.

women and friendships, best friends

Are you a best friend kind of person? I am. My whole life I’ve had a best friend. Not always the same one, but always there’s been that one special person. Or, as they Meredith and Yang say on Grey’s Anatomy, my person. I’ve had best friends that were boys, but those don’t seem to last (can men and women really be friends?).

A lot of people have the same person since childhood. Some just grow apart, and others have had best friend break ups. I’ve had both. But, with my current BFF, now I’m set for life.

My best friend from Grade 1 to Grade 3 was named Lisa. You can read her book if you want. She lived across the street from me, and we went to the same school. We did everything together, from playing Mother May I to Barbie Camper. There was a bump in the road when she and my brother decided to go in the basement and be boyfriend and girlfriend, indulging in a prepubescent game of Playboy Photographer, but we got through it. We both were devastated when her parents decided to move her family to California. We exchanged letters for a while, but being that I’m a total procrastinator and also rather forgetful and not the best complier, I forgot to write her back. Luckily, after stalking her on the internet for months, I found her on Facebook and if we ever see each other face-to-face, well, lets just say, the reunion could prove to be epic.

I had other best friends through the years. For years after Lisa left, I was tossed between two sisters who were a year apart . Our school had split grades, so one year I’d be the older one’s friend, the next the younger ones. We stayed friends till high school…but again…my keeping in touch skills being less than stellar, we lost touch. We’re friends again, but not in the same way.

Throughout High School I had a few very close friends, some whom I spent most of my time with. But, I had one bestie that ebbed and flowed from age 13 to my 30s. When we were ON we did nearly everything together. She was even present at the birth of two of my children. How did our friendship stall? With her, it wasn’t a lack of staying in touch, but a disagreement that took on a life of its own. Sometimes, friendship is like the Grand Canyon-so beautiful, but with chasms so deep they can never be repaired. You may be able to build a superficial bridge out of Facebook Likes and coffee dates, but the distance just grows to great to shorten.

Do I have a Person now? You betcha! It took years to find just the right one.

She’s bossy and pushy and fun and stubborn. She completes me, to the point where sometimes people think we’re sisters, and other times they think we’re each other. We laugh together. A lot. That is, when she’s not telling me what to do. We have had huge fights-once we didn’t talk for six months. it was horrible.

Sometimes I want to kill her, or she the same to me. Mostly I don’t, but she does more often than I do.

We like to lie in her bed or on my couch drinking wine and making fun of people on TV. My husband isn’t impressed with that particular activity as he doesn’t have a place in the proceedings.

The other night, after sharing a bottle or so of red wine on a school night, I wrote this list:

Why I love my Best Friend

We love all the same foods except I like movie popcorn and soup and she doesn’t.

We just laugh and laugh.

She makes me go to yoga when I’m too lazy.

Sometimes she leaves her bra or her shoes at my house (don’t ask).

When her daughter marries my son we’ll actually be related. He likes to be bossed around, just like me, so its perfect.

She has candy at her house.

She loves latino men and as such isn’t trying to steal Robert Downey Jr. from me.

She always sticks up for me, even when I’m wrong. Then, she still has my back but gives me shit in private.

She makes fun of my husband on my behalf.

She always likes my status on Facebook, even though she doesn’t read my blog. But, to be fair, its because she doesn’t actually know how to use a computer.

At my advanced grownup-ness, why do I feel the need to have a Bestie, especially since I have a husband?

My husband is awesome. He’s there, always when I need him. But he’s a fixer, not a listener. He likes to give OPINIONS. He’ll tell me the actual right and wrongness of a situation, even when it’s me who screwed up . Sometimes that’s not what I want to hear. Girls listen, they sympathize, they soothe, they write cryptic, passive aggressive posts on Facebook to further your cause when you’ve been wronged.

A husband doesn’t do that.

A husband cannot be a girlfriend.

Life’s got lumps. What you need is someone to smooth them out. My friend’s greatest strength, (and occasionally her biggest downfall) is her incredible sense of loyalty. Since I belong to her, she will go to the ends of the earth for me. Plus, we have matching Wine Drinking T-shirts. So, we’re sorta mated for life. Like Gibbons.

Do you you have a best friend?

13 Comments

by chickymara on March 7, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Getting Older, Humour, Life, Operation Housewife, Uncategorized

Tagged best friends, women and friendship

Posted by chickymara on March 7, 2012

https://beniceorleavedotcom.wordpress.com/2012/03/07/im-a-one-woman-gal-sort-of-like-a-gibbon/

The Real Queen Bees of Cougar Ville

source: hotel chatter.com

**Warning: Some content may offend. Sexual Content.**

I know I‘m an old married lady. An old, apparently priggish one. My lips are pursed just thinking about how puritanical I am. I can feel the wrinkles forming.

I’m no party-pooper. I know how to have a good time. But, the fact is, I get uncomfortable when the privacies of the bedroom (or the living room or the kitchen counter) are discussed in frank and casual detail in front of me. I’ve got a big ‘C’ (for Mrs. Cleaver) pasted on my chest. According to my contemporaries, I should crawl back into the Victorian era that I came from.

Once, I was cajoled into going to one of those passion parties. This woman had brought all manner of vibrators and gels and other love toys. She DEMONSTRATED (in a manner of speaking) a little gadget that fit over your finger, and which was apparently so discreet you could use it in the car. USE IT IN THE CAR! Wouldn’t that be driving under the influence? Can you imagine picking up carpool and as the kiddies got into the car, ‘Hello. HEllo. HELLLLOOOOOOO. KIDS!!’ Anyways, after she finished showing all the gizmos and gadgets, girls went into another room, and while every one else was snacking on cheese and crackers, ordered their ‘dessert’ for brown-paper-bag delivery later. Not exactly my thing.

I know its surprising, since I’m pretty much an open book and a total over-sharer about everything else, but I’m not a big on public discussions of affection. I’ll listen, all right, red-faced, and squirming in my seat. When pressed I’ll eventually blurt out a detail or two.

I can’t say the same for some of the divorced women that I’ve recently met. They seem to be re-experiencing the sexual revolution. Very verbally. I know I’m a self-admitted conservative in this area, but still…I think maybe they’re going too far.

Cher said, ‘The problem with most men is they’re assholes. The problem with most women is they put up with those assholes.’

Until they get a divorce.

Then, women are free. Like butterflies. Or honey bees.

‘The queen bee in a honey bee hive is encouraged to be as promiscuous as possible. During a single mating flight, a queen bee can mate with up to forty drones. The more sexual partners a queen has, the more attractive she is to the worker bees that keep her hive running.’ (Huffinton Post, Lindsay Armstrong)

Once single, the ‘honey bees’ are freed form the constraints of monogamy. Of husbands. And set free into a veritable smorgasbord of carnal delights. I know this, because they tell me. Unprompted

One woman I didn’t event know announced, out of nowhere: ‘I love to suck c*ck! I just love it!’

Another, telling a group of us about her weekend: ‘Its fabulous having a young man. The one I’ve got f*cked me 7 times in one night. Its the best. He didn’t stop.’

And, also, a lady who likes her freedom: ‘I don’t want a relationship. I just want to get F*cked. Like a lot.’

Ladies, just because we can, doesn’t mean we should. Talk about it. Like that.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Everyone is entitled to have a lively, satisfying, and yes, energetic sex life. Use as many toys, materials, accessories, and partners as you’d like. No problem. However, as I say to my kids, its your privacy. Just like I don’t want to hear about my parents doing it, I don’t really want to know your intimate details. I have no need to live vicariously through your white hot nights.

I honestly believe that comments like these actually set women back. They’re too forced. Too open. These are things you might confide in a best friend. Not announce boldly to strangers at a party. We’re not 18-year-old boys bragging about our conquests. We’re mature women: gorgeous, smart, strong. Comments like these just feed the caricaturization of ‘Cougars on the Prowl’.

My question is this: Would you want your DAUGHTER talking like that?

18 Comments

by chickymara on March 4, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Getting Older, Life

Tagged cougars, divorce, oversharing, privacy, self-esteem, self-respect, women's rights

Posted by chickymara on March 4, 2012

https://beniceorleavedotcom.wordpress.com/2012/03/04/the-real-queen-bees-of-cougar-ville/

When Bullying has Become a Buzzword

Stop Bullying

I don’t know anyone-child or adult-that doesn’t have a bullying story. I talked about bullying before here. And, just after the Oscars, I wondered if commenting on weight is bullying.

I’ve been bullied. My kids have been bullied. My friends have been bullied. The children of my friends have been bullied. Like actually been bullied. As in, ‘I don’t want to go back. I’m afraid’ bullied.

Unfortunately, though, that’s not always the case when the word is used, or rather overused. I’m concerned that we’ve lost sight of what true pervasive malicious meanness is.

We’ve forgotten that in this world, sometimes people say mean, teasing, or stupid things. And that’s not bullying. That’s just life. Crappy, dorky, normal, everyday life.

Accusing someone of bullying has become a tool for kids to get someone in trouble. Employing phrases like anti-bullying measures and zero tolerance have become a way for people to pay lip service to stop bullying without really doing anything. All the wolf-crying is diluting the message. And children are suffering in so many ways.

I’m so scared the word bullying is losing steam, and the true horrible destructive nature of the action will get lost amongst its buzzword-ness. That scares me.

I had to threaten to call the police before the school stopped another boy from kicking and punching my son to the point he wouldn’t go to school anymore. That’s bullying.

Boys told my kid his shirt was funny looking. That’s not bullying. Its just mean.

I was FIRED from a job by the very person that was tormenting me at work. She stayed, I went. That’s bullying.

My kids observed other kids making fun of SPECIAL NEEDS kids. Nobody said anything. That’s bullying.

A girl told another girl she wasn’t invited to her party and couldn’t sit at their table for lunch. That’s not bullying. Its just mean.

A teenager spread rumours that a boy was gay and posted it all over Facebook. That’s bullying.

A car full of teenage girls drove by another girl, laughed at her, then drove off. That’s not bullying. Its just mean.

I’m GLAD people will wear pink tomorrow to make us aware that we have to DO something. But, I hope they don’t think wearing a t-shirt is actually DOING SOMETHING. We’re all aware that we, as a society, have a problem. But, the the solution is hidden in what we as human beings do after we take the t-shirt off.

What can you ACTUALLY do to stop bullying?

1. Teach your children NOT to bully. Teach and MODEL kindness, compassion, empathy, and acceptance for ALL people.

2. TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE SAND! Everybody’s kid screws up! If you know your child is being nasty, TAKE CARE OF IT! You aren’t doing your precious flower any favours by not seeing their weaknesses as well as their strengths. If your child is bullying at school, they are obviously in need of help from you, their caregiver. Do your JOB.

3. Teach them that COOL kids are not the bystanders, but those who stand up for others. Let them know that being a bystander is JUST AS BAD as being a bully.

4. Let school administrations know that ZERO tolerance doesn’t mean ‘we’ll investigate.’ Controlling destructive behaviour is not the time to be politically correct. We’re growing up people, and we need to teach them that there are consequences, not just conversations.

5. Teach your children to advocate for themselves, and not be afraid to tell. Take the power back from the bully.

6. Teach your children the life skills they’ll need to manage not nice people, and help them to discern between bullying and meanness. Give them the tools to answer to nasty words, and the power to rise above. Encourage them to seek out friends who will value them and stick up for them, as opposed to those who may blow like the wind when the opportunity arises.

I’m still wearing pink on this February Leap Year Day. Because I believe we have a problem. Its a mean world we seem to have created. And it’s got to stop. We need more than awareness. We need action.

For more information, go to PINK SHIRT DAY.CA

What do you think? What are you doing to stop bullying?

Let’s link up to other posts about bullying. Please put yours in the comments or send me a message and I’ll put a link.

Whispered Inspirations

Notes from the Cookie Jar