Last night during the Oscars, I made a comment about Angelina Jolie.  And how thin she looks.  I got called out.  Even though I’m not the only one who was laying in on my sofa, eating chocolate cake , or as Neil Hedley pointed out, in sweats and a dirty t-shirt (although I wasn’t) and commenting via Twitter on the show. Even though it wasn’t just me, I have people who feel close enough to me to tell me when I’m being an idiot.

For the record, I wasn’t only making negative comments.

I gushed over Emma Stone, and Robert Downey Jr., and enjoyed the cymbals and white tails of  ‘the silliest men in Hollywood’ Jonah Hill & Will Ferrell (there I go quoting myself again…)

I did mention that Nick Nolte was looking a little like Col. Sanders (but really I thought I was being witty not mean when I said he ate too much fried chicken).  But, I guess I wasn’t.  Unless he actually is preparing to play the king of chicken in a movie, what’s really happening is that he’s getting older. And greyer. And heavier. It happens.  Its going to happen to me. Like soon.

I slid down a slippery slope.  This little tweet started a BIG conversation:

Tweet about Angelina Jolie

I meant that comment. I really did.  I didn’t mean to be catty.  I wasn’t jealous of how thin she looked.  I really was genuinely concerned about her unrealistic size and its affect on others.

I’ll admit that I make comments about people’s sizes, and not always in a nice way.  I’m not proud of it.

Mostly I do it out of insecurity about myself.  Often times its because I’m actually jealous of them.  I’ve suffered with weight  and body image issues my entire life.  I have body dysmorphia.  I have starved myself, binged and (attempted to purge) and have spent lost hours counting calories and staring at myself in the mirror, critiquing individual body parts and their failings.  I don’t like wearing bathing suits.  I have issues with food. Big ones.

But, when I made the comment about Angelina Jolie, I was thinking and worrying about her size, the thinness of her arms, and how she is perpetuating the idea that in order to be beautiful one must be so terribly thin.

When I opined, I forgot about people’s feelings, especially those who are naturally thin.  Or who are thin due to sickness. Or who are larger and have been made to feel self conscious about it.  Making fun is making fun. I hate bullies, and even though I meant well, in a sense, I was being one.  Because my words were hurtful-whether they were to someone who’d never hear them, or to others who did.

Someone I respect called me out first.

@scatteredmom tweeted back:  It makes me angry when people judge solely on weight.  Too thin, too fat, both should not be targets.

She’s right.

From @ChibiJeebs:  We should also be teaching children that judging /shaming / commenting on ANYONE else’s body is not cool.

She’s right.

From @scattteredmom again:  my friend told me about someone she knew who had Crohns.  Super Skinny.  People gossiped that she was anorexic.  She wasn’t.

That’s sad.  And it spurred an eye-opening conversation about health, and perceptions, and judging.

From @bumpandhustle: (I was) bothered because they wouldn’t believe that I was in pain. that it wasn’t a ‘diet’. haha #ouch.

There are people who think someone would lie about having the pain of Crohns in order to lose weight?  What is WRONG with us?

From @CLBuchanan:  ppl judge without knowing all the time.  Chrohns is also known as an invisible disease.

and she said a bit later:  ‘When I was diagnosed it was fairly rare and people used to say I was faking all the time.’

WHAT? 

And @Merry120:  Its like so many things. You’d never say ‘eat a sandwich’ to someone IRL.

She is so right. Or do we? I have. So maybe I’m not a hypocrite or hiding behind my keyboard.  But is it right to do that? 

The conversation turned to whether its ok to pull someone aside and tell them you think they look too thin or too heavy.

Both of our Crohns suffererers said it was ok, if done with true concern and privately.  Both @merry120 & I had had that happen to us when we were underweight.  What’s sad it that we both said,

‘I thought I looked great, but people were pulling me aside telling me I looked sick, and were worried there was something wrong with us.’

We liked being told we were sickly thin?  I can’t speak for her, but I found that to be a COMPLIMENT.

What’s WRONG with our society that I thought that ‘you look sickly thin’ was a compliment?

And then, it turned:

@CLbuchanan the other side of  this is now that I’m heavy I get judged as well.

@bumpandhustle ppl just like to judge.  I gained 20 lbs & heard how big I was.

Seriously?  This is whacked.

I know that some of the Oscar comments are made in fun. And, us plebes feel free to dissect celebrities’ lives and bodies and fashion.  But, what we (I) forget is that we (I) may (are) affecting others who are listening to our (my) words and internalizing them.  Plus, when we get in the habit of commenting on folks that we don’t know, it’s a slippery slope to comment about people that we do know.

There’s the crux.

And that’s why I’m ashamed.  Because my words resonated with someone. Not in a positive way.  Not really what I was going for.  I’m not Joan Rivers. Its not what people (I ) expect from me, and it’s not what I expect of my children.

I don’t want to be a hypocrite.

For the record, I do think that Angelina Jolie is too thin.  I don’t profess to know why she is so thin (maybe she has Crohns, maybe she has lost weight for a role, its possible that she has anxiety, or it could be that she just thinks she looks great).

But regardless, its not my business to say. And for sure, since I’m far from perfect in the area of body image, not my place to JUDGE.

If  I want to give my opinion on her craft (I think she’s an ok actress).  Her behaviour (I think she’s a home wrecker and I don’t respect her), then that’s my prerogative. She’s an actress and has put herself in the public eye as such.  Otherwise, when it comes to body, off limits.

One of the last tweets

And it was. 

I’d love to hear some opinions.

Do you think its ok to tell someone you think they look too thin, too heavy, too tired, too tanned, too ANYTHING?

Is it mean to comment about celebrities?  Or is it just part of the publicity machine (any press is good press).