If they Cancel the Soaps, Where Will we Learn Life Lessons?

This is the headline of today’s National Post. Front Page. 

Genre’s demise hastened as ABC pulls All My Children and One Life To Live

This is obviously BIG NEWS being on the front page and all.  Its the end of an era when a woman’s life looked like this, and her ‘stories’ were her escape:

1950s housewife

Whereas now, it looks like this, where she’s too busy living the ‘stories’ to watch them.

Desperate Housewives: a real depiction of modern living

There were apparently 29 Soaps on TV in 1969, 12 in 1990, and now last ones standing are Young and The Restless, Bold and the Beautiful, General Hospital, and Days of our Lives. 

Apparently, the networks don’t want to spend money on scripted programming. Apparently, people want to watch Reality TV instead.  What are they talking about?  Soaps are REAL. They are SO TRUE to life.

For example:

I learned about true love from Luke and Laura

True Love: Luke and Laura

As well as Victor and Nicki

Victor and Nicki first marriage

And again from Victor and Nicki (and again and again and again)

Victor and Nicki again

I learned that if you’re a teen mom, you shouldn’t trust Aunt Rose because when you’re not looking, she’ll steal your baby and then you have to tie her up to try and get it back (but you find the baby 30 years later when he comes back as part of a police investigation ‘coincidentally’)

Aunto Rose stole Ninas baby

I learned how to take over the world with using the Secret Formula from the Ice Princess from Edward Quartermain

General Hospital

I learned to Rock on with Danny Romalotti and Lauren Fenmore

As well, I learned that even when you get buried alive, your boyfriend will save you but then fall in love with your best friend and  your baby is never really your baby because maybe someone stole it because they switched the sperm and then your sister-in-law fell and had a miscarriage and had a hysterical pregnancy so then your sort-of-blind brother in law stole your baby to give to your mother-in-law who is also your sister-in-law. Then, you married your son-in-law thinking he was really a long-lost uncle of your nextdoor neighbor and then you had a heart transplant but never took a pill in your life and then you came out of your coma only to fake your own death.  After getting out of the mental health sanatorium you drove drunk into a tree, got amnesia and wandered around until you ended up living on a farm where you got married again only to find out you were already married to  your new spouse’s brother who also got your sister pregnant but she fell off a cliff but no one found her body just in case she’s not really dead.

As well, your kids go on vacation and come home 10 years older, you drink alcohol all day and never go to the bathroom. There are only two restaurants in your town, and no one says goodbye when they hang up the phone. You can leave work whenever you want to go the hotel and have sex although no one ever STDs, uses condoms or gets pregnant unless its not by their spouse.  No one gets a paycheque or a cold.  You’re lucky that your make-up is perfect even when you’re in a coma. Your hairstylist lives under your bed and you never wear the same thing twice. You’ve been locked in a cage, a box, a zoo. You’ve been burned in a fire and a plastic surgeone was able to make you look exactly like your arch enemy down to the shoe size. 

Soap operas are totally real.

What did you learn from The Soaps?

Posted by chickymara on April 15, 2011

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